I'll tell you a plan for gaining wealth,
Better than banking, trade or leases —
Take a bank note and fold it up,
And then you will find your money in creases!
This wonderful plan, without danger or loss,
Keeps your cash in your hands, where nothing can trouble it;
And every time that you fold it across,
'Tis as plain as the light of the day that you double it!
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant
like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
I don’t believe there’s any problem in this country,
no matter how tough it is,
that Americans,
when they roll up their sleeves,
can’t completely ignore.
Here’s all you have to know about men and women;
women are crazy,
men are stupid.
And the main reason that women are crazy
is that men are stupid.
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete.
It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
Be Funny or Die: How Comedy Works and Why It Matters by Joel Morris
The panther is a scary cat:
Hardcore Hellcat primed for combat.
Except - that is - I have to say
The twenty hours it sleeps per day.
An egg delivery guy from Bangalore:
2,000 eggs on a scooter, door-to-door.
If his bike ever tipped,
He’d be severely whipped,
For his job was all-or-nothing & nothing more.
There once was a pirate of Malacca,
Who liked ramen and chow mein and hakka.
He'd eat any noodles
by the oodles and oodles,
But, with no fiber, he couldn't make caca!
People who take nothing seriously. A distant second goes to those who take everything seriously. And dead last, being people I avoid at all costs, are those who have a sizable set of ideas that they believe should be treated deadly seriously by everyone, while finding others’ serious stuff to be mockable.
Einstein said there are two ways of viewing the world, as if everything is a miracle or nothing is. I’m sure Einstein recognized that there were many people who, in fact, believed their own sect to have “legitimate miracles,” while believing the miracles of other sects were mere superstition. And what he was really getting at was that the latter stance is presumptuous, indefensible, and – quite frankly – ridiculous. Anyhow, my own spin is that there are two legitimate ways to view the world: to take nothing serious and to take everything seriously. All others are shades of petty narcissism.
[As I think of it, I guess I could have answered more simply with the single word: “Travelers.”]
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
Partial differential equations. First of all, then it could explain them to me. Secondly, I could completely demoralize all the Westminster types who think they have “smart dogs.”
Our closest relative, the Chimpanzee
Lacks our affinity to be fancy.
To them we are but pant-wearing buffoons
Who've lost all freedom to shoot the moon.
A Cheetah can beat a Porsche to a hundred.
(Imagine the tumble if a clumsy one blundered.)
In fact, Cheetah's are so very, very fast
that your future is way, way back in its past.
Tiger Riding for Beginners 