There once was an Argentine gaucho
who loved to lie around on the couch. Oh!
When his wife would protest
it would disturb his rest.
"I'm goin'! Jeez, stop bein' such a grouch - Ho!"
There once was a Marquis named de Sade
whose philosophy many found odd:
The pursuit of pleasure,
by any measure,
is to spoil by not sparing the rod!
There was a philosopher named Pangloss
whose sole objective was to get across:
Ours is the best of worlds!
And yet, the crapper swirled
and nothing escaped but dregs and dross.
There was an old man, some called "ancient,"
who got riled everyone was so impatient.
"The world was much better
when we talked by letter,
and you only got instant replies if adjacent."
There was a great General named Macbeth.
All that kept him from kingship was a death,
but - as with a Pringle -
he couldn't do a single.
So, he showed seven more their last breaths.
There was a girl who fell in a well,
but the well had steps, so all was swell.
To not be a bore,
she jumped ten times more,
but back home had to explain her fishy smell.
There was an anesthetist / hypnotist
whose patients could never resist.
'Twas the even drone
of his flat monotone.
Even the surgeon fell asleep in his midst.
There once was a wavering Prince of Denmark
whose uncle replace his dad as monarch.
The ghost of his dad
said, "Kill 'em, my lad!"
Too bad he took that stab in the dark.
There was pretty lady named Helen
whose beauty had all the boys yellin'.
No arrows from Cupid;
her glance made 'em stupid.
But did her face split a thousand melons?
There once was an evil internet troll
who spouted like the proverbial blowhole.
He snarked to the void
like a flaming hemorrhoid,
but remained an anonymous A-hole.