How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Publisher – Penguin Random House

This book’s subtitle, “The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen,” gets pretty well to the crux, and among that mouthful the word that repeats, “Deeply,” is not to be overlooked. Brooks noticed that while on some level we are more readily connected than ever, there is also an epidemic of loneliness and personal dissatisfaction in the world the likes of which has never before been seen (and so that level on which we are hyper-connected must in some way be defective.) Brooks argues that most of us would benefit from a sea change in our approach to conversation, from asking more and better questions, from listening more carefully, from understanding how the other person’s world framing is different from one’s own, and from changing our conversational objectives (from things like making oneself look good or meeting societal conventions to making our interlocutor feel seen and worthing of one’s time and one’s interest.) In short, we should strive to be what Brooks calls “illuminators.”

The book devotes some special attention in its middle section to negotiating conversations that are difficult — how one can do a better job showing acknowledgment of one’s interlocuter’s perspective while in the same interaction expressing one’s own feelings and ideas.

I found this book to be highly engaging and perspective changing. Brooks uses fascinating and emotionally salient stories from the world, from his own life, and even from fiction. He also uses humor, anecdotes, and quotations to great effect. I learned a great deal from reading this book and would highly recommend it for anyone interested in being a better friend and conversationalist.

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