JAPAN LIMERICK
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Category Archives: humor
PROMPT: Celebrate
Well, if someone else is doing fireworks, I’ll go see, but I value my fingers and hearing too much to DIY it. But there is nothing like fireworks on Easter to warm the heart. Or on Arbor Day, or National Salsa Dancing Day (March 11th, mark your calendars. Also, don’t confuse it with National Salsa Day — honoring the spicy condiment on May 1st.) Nothing says holiday like fireworks.
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PROMPT: Cooking Fail
Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.
A blunder once in a while does not rise to tragedy. I burn toast on a regular basis. Think about that. It’s the most rudimentary culinary activity imaginable, and I fuck it up at least weekly.
To be fair, I think my toaster might be a North Korean imposter, part of a plot to undermine the Western Capitalist world one ruined breakfast at a time.
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BOOK: “How to be an Alien” by George Mikes
How to Be an Alien: A Handbook for Beginners and Advanced Pupils by George MikesMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Publisher Site – Penguin
This book is hilarious… unless you’re British — in which case it probably reads like a swift kick in the crotch. Well, if you’re from continental Europe, many of the comparisons with Britian are no more favorable to Europe and are just as comically searing. But if you’re American, it’s a laugh riot. Well, except for when it delivers reminders of the absurdity of xenophobia, triggering realizations that one’s own country is in the midst of a crisis of that malady. However, the book is not primarily a rebuke of xenophobia, but rather an accounting of what immigrants to Britain find strange and unwieldy about their new country.
George Mikes, born Mikes György, was a journalist and humorist of Hungarian birth who lived most of his life in England, and it’s this experience that the author draws upon to describe of what immigrants to Britain must accustom themselves.
Among Mikes’ prolific body of writings, there are a number that take this form — humor disguised as a how-to guide. The first one that I read was How to Be God, which was his last such book. The book under review was his first and continues to be the most popular.
I’d highly recommend this book for humor readers… unless you’re British… or European… or are experiencing dread over the Pheonix-like rebirth of xenophobia in the world. If there’s any one left after that who reads in English, this is the book for you.
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The Goat [Lyric Poem]
There once was an adolescent goat
Who'd put anything straight down its throat:
It ate twigs and tires and old barbed wire,
And even once a deep fat fryer.
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Syllables Matter [Lyric Poem]
Sometimes the syllables matter:
It meant to say, “Stow cars away
Someplace that is not here.”
But just one unfortunate break
Is all it takes to make it say:
“Middling Monarchs are Banned.”
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PROMPT: Describe
“Handsome beyond words.” … And then hope they continue to not be able to see me.
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PROMPT: Bothers
I once got a masala cookie beside my coffee at a cafe that took itself way too seriously. What’s a masala cookie, you might ask? It’s treachery, I say. It sits on a plate pretending to be a delightful sugar cookie, but without sugar or sweetness of any kind — just salt and a spice mixture. It was supposed to bring out the notes of cherry, chocolate, and… Blah, Blah, Blah. You know what would bring out the notes of chocolate in the coffee, some fucking chocolate in the cookie — that’s what. You can’t just impersonate a cookie and expect anyone to tolerate that level of betrayal. I certainly don’t want to live in such a world. That’s it, the only offense of recent years that I haven’t gotten over. A few years after it happened, I walked by that place and saw that the cafe had gone out of business, replaced by a Hello Kitty phone-case store. Good! I hope the owner and staff have moved on, putting their liberal arts graduate degrees to good use, teaching at community colleges as they should, rather than terrorizing the public with pseudo-cookies to make their overpriced coffee seem more of a bargain. I’ll end my rant here to go sit with my trauma.
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PROMPT: Comfort
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?
I never writhe in a tub of broken glass… anymore.
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BOOKS: “A Horse’s Tale” by Mark Twain
A Horse’s Tale by Mark TwainMy rating: 4 of 5 stars
Project Gutenberg Page
Among the lesser-known works of Twain, A Horse’s Tale mixes an epistolary by a military officer at a remote outpost with dialogues between animals of the post (principally the protagonist, a horse called Soldier Boy.) The principal subject of the epistolary is a precocious girl who lives at the outpost and who is adored by all as the one soft, sweet creature in a world of warfighting men and their animals. The conversations between animals offer the most amusing portion of this book, largely for the fun being poked at humanity’s expense.
In its best moments, this novella is intensely touching or hilarious. However, it does suffer from inconsistency of pacing and tone.
If you enjoy Mark Twain’s humor and storytelling, this novella is well worth reading. If you’re primarily a reader of present-day genre / commercial fiction, it probably won’t be your thing.
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Tiger Riding for Beginners 