Category Archives: humor

PROMPT: Crazy Business

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Daily writing prompt
Come up with a crazy business idea.
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Well, as we all know that voice-activated “digital assistants” (e.g. Siri and Alexa,) have both become insanely popular that they and spy on you around the clock, gathering information to sell to “big data” marketing firms, I propose a service that would involve coming to your house and making noises and statements that would turn the collected “information” into disinformation. The best part is, the package could be tailored to your desires and preferences. If you’re a milquetoast person but don’t like that reputation, you could get the Orgy Pack which would make your house sound like a non-stop bacchanal. If you’re really a mobster, there could be the sounds of meetings to set up a church bingo night. The possibilities are endless.

Remember, until the Robot Uprising, don’t let yourself be punked by the machines. Subscribe to DISINFORMATION DAILY today.

BOOKS: The NEW Comedy Bible by Judy Carter

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The NEW Comedy Bible: The Ultimate Guide to Writing and Performing Stand-Up ComedyThe NEW Comedy Bible: The Ultimate Guide to Writing and Performing Stand-Up Comedy by Judy Carter
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Amazon.in Page

As the title suggests, this is a soup-to-nuts exploration of building a standup comedy act. While the bulk of the book discusses how to build jokes that work in a comedy club setting, it also gives helpful tips on relevant issues such as stage fright, hecklers, bombing and bomb recovery, set arrangement, and editing material. It offers many insights that may seem counterintuitive to a neophyte reader.

In writing, there is a common distinction made between “plotters” and “pantsers” (as in “by the seat of one’s pants.”) Plotters do a lot of research and outline everything thoroughly before beginning to write (as most people understand the writing process.) Pantsers like to get right into the typing and are willing to have a much messier process in exchange for greater feelings of spontaneity and surprise. A similar distinction seems to exist in standup comedy. Jerry Seinfeld might be the posterchild for the comedic plotter, writing and rewriting jokes on paper and having an already finely honed collection of jokes when he goes into the comedy club to revise through audience feedback. Other comedians seem to like to work by riffing and editing material on the fly. My point is: this book will definitely appeal most to plotters. That said, I think it has a lot of useful information that will save pantsers a great deal of trouble, but I suspect those with intense pantser proclivities will be skeptical of such a step-by-step approach.

The book is set up as a workbook woven into an instructional guide. That is, it has exercises throughout. It also presents a lot of jokes and partial bits by headlining comics to help the reader see how successful comics apply the principles in question.

I enjoyed reading this book and found it helpful. I thought that many of the exercises were quite helpful in triggering joke ideas. If you are looking for a book that deals in both joke writing and comedic delivery, I’d highly recommend this book.

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A Strange Pain [Common Meter]

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What is this thing I never saw
   that poked me from nowhere.
 I felt a pain that dripped insane
   and gave me quite a scare.

I know it came from outside-in,
   and not from bones or brain.
 And yet it's not a break, a bruise,
   a lesion, or a sprain. 

Some demon breached a ghost portal,
   and stabbed me from hell's pit
 with an inferno-fired poker...
   oh wait, I'm fine. It quit.

The Frog by Hilaire Belloc [w/ Audio]

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Be kind and tender to the Frog,
   And do not call him names,
 As 'Slimy skin,' or 'Polly-wog,'
   Or likewise 'Ugly James,'
 Or 'Gape-a-grin, or 'Toad-gone-wrong,'
   Or 'Billy Bandy-knees':
 The Frog is justly sensitive
   To epithets like these.
 No animal will more repay
   A treatment kind and fair;
 At least so lonely people say
   Who keep a frog (and, by the way,
 They are extremely rare).

BOOKS: How to Talk Dirty and Influence People by Lenny Bruce

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How to Talk Dirty and influence peopleHow to Talk Dirty and influence people by Lenny Bruce
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Amazon.in Page

This is the autobiography of the comedic legend, Lenny Bruce. The first half (or so) of the book discusses Bruce’s life before standup comedy. This includes time as a sailor (US Navy) during the Second World War, as a sailor in the merchant marine, as a farmhand, and brief stint as a grifter. The second half takes place while Bruce is a working comedian but focuses heavily on his legal troubles including multiple Obscenity trials and one for Narcotics.

Being the work of a comedian, it’s no surprise that this book is funny — frequently of the laugh-out-loud variety. However, it may come as more of a surprise how interesting it is as the account of a man’s life. Besides some interesting stories, such as: how Bruce got discharged from the Navy, how he acquired priest’s uniforms to conduct a con, his experiences getting high with a Turkish sailor as a merchant marine, and the ins and outs of his marriage to a stripper, one gains some insight into Bruce’s philosophy and why he insisted on being maximally edgy, even at the cost of blackballed by clubs. The book holds up surprisingly well, considering it was first published in the early / mid-1960’s.

If you’re interested in outlandish people, standup comedy, or free speech, this book is well worth reading, and will not disappoint. (If you liked “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” it’ll definitely be up your alley.)

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BOOKS: The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

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The Importance of Being EarnestThe Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Amazon.in Page

This play is an amusing cautionary tale on the dangers of “Bunburying” and / or leading a double life. “Bunburying,” a term coined by Wilde in this play, is the act of concocting meetings with a fictitious friend to get out of tedious familial (and other social) obligations. Don’t want to go to Aunt Bessie’s potluck? Tell her that your friend with a plausibly absurd name (e.g. Bunbury) has ruptured a disc in his back and desperately needs your assistance. Bunburying is the specialty of one of the two bachelor characters this story is built around, a man named Algernon. The other, Jack, goes by the name Ernest when he is in London, and has to invent the story that he has a brother when his town and country dichotomy of personalities starts to be seen through by those other than Algernon.

This humorous tale revolves around both Algernon and Jack finding desirable fiancés while being tangled in the web of their own duplicity. Much of the humor comes from the interactions of Algernon and Jack, two men who are quite alike, though Jack thinks himself more respectable. Algernon is more at ease with his own scamp-like nature and plays a role similar to that played by Lord Henry in Wilde’s novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray. That is, Algernon offers many a quotable line that at least has the appearance of wisdom — if, often, a kind of nihilistic wisdom.

This play is definitely worth reading.

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Five Wise Lines from The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

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The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature, a complete impossibility!

Algernon

Oh! it is absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn’t. More than half of modern culture depends upon what one shouldn’t read.

ALgernon

It is awfully hard work doing nothing. However, I don’t mind hard work where there is no definite object of any kind.

Algernon

One has a right to Bunbury anywhere one chooses. Every serious Bunburyist knows that.

Algernon; [fyi: “Bunburying” is the use of appointments with ficticious individuals to get out of one’s duties and obligations.]

One should always eat muffins quite calmly.

Algernon

Reviewer Limerick

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There once was a prolific reviewer
 who reviewed everything from shipyards to sewers.
   With great dispassion,
     he reviewed an assassin,
  and wished he'd written one review fewer.

Firewalker Limerick

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There once was a wild-eyed firewalker
 whose show turned out to be a shocker.
   His feet were unharmed,
   but clothes not as charmed.
  they burst aflame & he became a firesquawker.

Bovine Chiropractors [Common Meter]

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A cow is an animal, &
 animals are creatures.
  So, having strong proclivities
    is a cardinal feature.

Calling them "creatures of habit"
 must be for a reason.
  If creatures did not form habits
   the term would lose cohesion.

But I digress, I must admit.
 Let me get to my point.
  You see, a sloping pasture must
   be murder on the joints!

A random beast, who stood this way
 & that, would balance out,
  but standing each day - just one way -
   could cause a hip blowout.

A cow that grazes on a pitch
 must have unequal legs.
  Maybe, all it would take would be
   two tiny pirate pegs.

For wearing pegs on the downslope
 side would align the hips,
  but then on walks down to the barn
   cows would be prone to trips. 

For now, there's just one solution:
 bovine chiropractors!
  Because the cost will be so great,
   I'm seeking benefactors.