PERU LIMERICK

There was a Guinea Pig from Peru
who didn’t know just quite what to do.
He’d heard there were places
-- oh, so magical places –
where his kind lived as pets not as food.

PROMPT: Cooking Fail

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.

A blunder once in a while does not rise to tragedy. I burn toast on a regular basis. Think about that. It’s the most rudimentary culinary activity imaginable, and I fuck it up at least weekly.

To be fair, I think my toaster might be a North Korean imposter, part of a plot to undermine the Western Capitalist world one ruined breakfast at a time.

PROMPT: Foods

Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite types of foods?

Those that are authentic to wherever I am at the moment. [Nothing fancy, but with nutritional value.]

PROMPT: Expensive Meal

Daily writing prompt
What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

I can’t remember, but it’s never been worth it. Seems like the more one pays for a meal, the hungrier one leaves it. Enjoy your “foam reductions” if you like, but it’s not for me. I’ll take street food any day — cheap, filling, flavorful street food. It’s got character and doesn’t try too hard.

My palate may be unrefined, but — also — I’m no sucker.

PROMPT: Comfort Food

Daily writing prompt
What’s your go-to comfort food?

It depends on where I am. I recently discovered that my Busan comfort food is “Hotteok with seeds.” In Central Asia, it’s tandoor bread — by whatever name it’s called in the local tongue. In Tblisi, it’s khinkali. In Peru, a lomo saltado is a beautiful thing. Chicago is the only place I’ll eat a hotdog, but I do love one there.

As a traveler, I find it’s important to not get attached to any one thing. If you crave a bagel, you’re great if you’re in New York or Tel Aviv, but if you insist on one in Hyderabad, it will be a sad experience. But, by the same token, if you order Chicken Biryani in Des Moines, expect to be underwhelmed (or — if not — to pay an exorbitant amount, either way it’s depressing.)

Probably the single most widespread comfort food would be whatever the local dumpling is, be it called mo-mo, khinkali, pierogi, dim sum, etc. All quite unique, but with an underlying familiarity.

So, in the immortal words of (the apparently quite slutty) Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, “If you can’t be with the one you love… love the one you’re with.”

BOOK: “Masala Lab” by Krish Ashok

Masala Lab : The Science of Indian CookingMasala Lab : The Science of Indian Cooking by Krish Ashok
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Publisher Site – Penguin

Many books have come out in recent years that explore the intersection of science and cooking, but this is one of the few that I’ve seen take on the sub-theme of science’s role in a particular cuisine — in this case Indian. Indian food, while broad and diverse itself, does present a unique palette of considerations. Few cuisines can make claims to the same level of complexity as Indian with all its spices and such. Also, Indian food tends to use heat to a different extent / in different ways than other cuisines, which is partly why, while Indian food is as tasty as food gets, aesthetically it tends toward a visually unappealing gloopy-gloppyness.

Ashok examines what applied heat does to food and why, how flavors are balanced and enhanced and why, what acids do and why they are essential, what value added is gained by pressure cookers and other specialty equipment, and how an experimental approach can be taken in lieu of a recipe book? The book takes a few controversial stances, such as in favor of sodium bicarbonate and MSG, but to a large extent is a straightforward discussion of how science informs culinary technique and ingredients.

The author maintains a light and readable tone throughout the book. I’d recommend this book for readers interested in the intersect of science and food, doubly so if one has a particular interest in Indian food.

View all my reviews

PROMPT: Meal Price

What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

Probably about $50 USD.

No. Definitely not. I don’t have fancy tastebuds, so all my system can differentiate is how much pride they are taking in putting such scant portions of edible matter on the plate. I do not find pride filling.

PROMPT: Foods

Daily writing prompt
What foods would you like to make?

Of late, I’ve thought it would be fun to learn to make some of my Chinese favorites — e.g. Kung Pao Chicken (宫保鸡丁,) Twice-Cooked Pork (回锅肉,) and Sesame Chicken (芝麻鸡.)

PROMPT: Meat

What are your feelings about eating meat?

The condensed version is, I’m fine with it. As a traveler, I try to eat mostly things locals eat. While I don’t go to great effort or expense to sample the most rare and exotic foods, I’ve eaten snake in China, croc in Zambia, horse in Kyrgyzstan, and guinea pig in Peru. Anything that regular people eat where I’m visiting is fair game. [That is part of the process of breaking down the invisible barriers between us’s and them’s so as to not enter into the interaction with a feeling of superiority because: “my arbitrary cultural conventions are better than your arbitrary cultural conventions.”]

I do believe that everyone would be better off if they were closer to [i.e. more intimately familiar with] the source of their food. I feel this of myself as well, though I did have the benefit of growing up on a small farm and seeing at close range the origins of food and how life moves on to being food. (By different mechanisms [hopefully — #SoylentGreenIsPeople,] it’s a process that I am fully aware will apply to me, as well. Ultimately, nothing living gets out of this world without being transformed through a process of being food. In my case –probably — I’ll be food to bacteria and fungi, but if I have a good run and am eaten by a tiger or wild dogs, I’d not begrudge them the meal.)

In fact, as I’ve learned more about how plants and trees live, e.g. sending warning pheromone signals to neighboring trees when under attack by insects, I’ve come to see the logic by which people determine what life is edible and what isn’t as mere species-chauvinism and anthropomorphizing. It is true that there are excellent points about the environmental benefits of some form of vegetarian diet. However, when one starts to talk to environmental vegetarians about eating insects (one of the most sustainable protein sources available, supposedly,) many will shove their fingers in their ears and sing, “La-la-La-la, I don’t want to hear this.”

Fugu Death [Free Verse]

What a moment!
   When you realize 
     that your lips had been more numb
     than from Szechwan peppercorns,
   and that numbness
     has slid into paralysis.

You are dying:
   death by Fugu --
     poison blowfish.

Your heart will stop.
   You will keel over,
     falling from your stool
     at the sushi counter.

A booth-dweller, 
   seeing you bounce off 
     an adjacent patron,
     wonders why you don't 
     bring your arms up to catch yourself,
     but - of course - they're dangling 
   uselessly,
     and so you land face first.

The booth-dweller cringes.
     
There's nothing to be done for you.

You had the nerve
   to try the Fugu!

But, while Fugu life is exhilarating;
   Fugu death is inglorious.