Thirty-year-old man buys same-aged tortoise;
Middle-aged tortoise: owner has rigor mortis.
In retrospect, it was a stupid plan;
Clearly, the tortoise should have bought the man.
Tortoise [Lyric Poem]
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Category Archives: poem
“Mezzo Cammin” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow [w/ Audio]
Half of my life is gone, and I have let
The years slip from me and have not
fulfilled
The aspiration of my youth, to build
Some tower of song with lofty parapet.
Not indolence, nor pleasure, nor the fret
Of restless passions that would not be
stilled,
But sorrow, and a care that almost killed,
Kept me from what I may accomplish yet;
Though, half-way up the hill, I see the Past
Lying beneath me with its sounds and
sights, --
A city in the twilight dim and vast,
With smoking roofs, soft bells, and
gleaming lights, --
And hear above me on the autumnal blast
The cataract of Death far thundering
from the heights.
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Wolf [Lyric Poem]
You may think the wolf is all howl --
Interspersed with gravelly growls,
But unlike the dog's nightly riots,
Wolves are remarkably quiet.
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Death Poem of Ikkyū [w/ Audio]
I borrowed these one month ago, yesterday.
I'm returning them today.
I borrowed five and return four --
Repaid, but for Original Emptiness.
NOTE: This is one of three Death Poems attributed to Ikkyū, supposedly the middle one.
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Ring-Tailed Lemur [Lyric Poem]
Just listen now to the Ring-Tailed Lemur:
It purrs, howls, and squeaks - but ain't no screamer.
And they're not the kind to rely on might,
But wave smelly tails to have a Stink Fight.
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Sleeping Bear [Kyōka]
the sleeping bear
seems at peace, and still does
when its eyes open,
but my mental state - and
my drawers - are quite changed.
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“The Mad Gardener’s Song” by Lewis Carroll [w/ Audio]
He thought he saw an Elephant,
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
"At length I realize," he said,
"The bitterness of Life!"
He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister's Husband's Niece,
"Unless you leave this house," he said,
"I'll send for the Police!"
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of Next Week.
"The one thing I regret," he said,
"Is that it cannot speak!"
He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
Descending from the 'bus:
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
"If this should stay to dine," he said,
"There won't be much for us!"
He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was
A Vegetable-Pill.
"Were I to swallow this," he said,
"I should be very ill!"
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four
That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a Head.
"Poor thing," he said, "poor silly thing!
It's waiting to be fed!"
He thought he saw an Albatross
That fluttered round the lamp:
He looked again, and found it was
A Penny-Postage-Stamp.
"You'd best be getting home," he said,
"The nights are very damp!"
He thought he saw a Garden-Door
That opened with a key:
He looked again, and found it was
A Double Rule of Three:
"And all its mystery," he said,
"Is clear as day to me!"
He thought he saw an Argument
That proved he was the Pope:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bar of Mottled Soap.
"A fact so dread," he faintly said,
"Extinguishes all hope!"
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Gorilla [Lyric Poem]
They say gorillas are diurnal --
Of this there is a truthy kernel.
They're active daily between naps...
Unless their naps all overlaps.
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Gaur [Lyric Poem]
A gaur looks like a -roided up cow.
You could try hooking to it a cart or plow,
But I suspect it would turn the tables,
And you'd end up living in its stables.
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Bat Hang [Haiku]
black tear drops hang
like bird nests; one opens to
inverted bat signal.
Tiger Riding for Beginners 