I hope they say, “He was kind of loud, never kept to himself, and we always thought he might be a serial killer.”
PROMPT: People Say
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I hope they say, “He was kind of loud, never kept to himself, and we always thought he might be a serial killer.”
1.) Remaining incognito. (I conceal my identity by being no one of interest.)
2.) Calling animals. (They do not come, but I maintain that I'm effective at getting their attention. They give perplexed looks and seem to be thinking, "Why is that dumb-ass human making strange noises?")
3.) Slipping on ice. (It's effortless to me.)
4.) Conveying an air of indifference. (At any given moment, you'd probably conclude that I don't give a shit.)
5.) Eating rotisserie chicken. (It's not pleasant to watch, but I leave not a scrap of meat. It's like a sun-bleached skeleton when I'm done with it.)
In no particular order: farting on the escalator, eating rotisserie chicken during the opera, and the shouting of “fire” during a flash flood.
Funny Stuff: How Comedy Shaped American History by Laura LaPlaca
The Serious Guide to Joke Writing: How to Say Something Funny about Anything by Sally HollowayIt’s a friend who may not understand what you’re going through, but who will never talk… and sometimes eagerly helps with the digging when you’re burying the body. Try finding a human friend like that.
A parachutist from Czech Republic
never ever did have too much luck.
He dodged a tall spire,
bounced off a high wire,
hit a wall and knocked loose some pub bricks.
There was a young man from South Korea
who was prone to verbal diarrhea.
“But better that kind
than from the behind,”
Said that fast-talking lad from Korea.
There was a wise pot seller in Thailand
whose customers always claimed to be scammed.
You see, he sold metal pots –
Ganja varietals, not –
but he truly had the strongest pot in the land.
There once was a man from Austria
prone to coffee house nausea.
“Our cafés are held dear,
but I can’t go near…”
said that lonely, skinny man of Austria.