You’re So Evolved: Love Poem to a Hominid

Baby, I dig your bipedal ways
You could chase down wounded game for days
And walking around on just two feet
You can forage in the mid-day heat
When it’s too hot for those big ole cats
Who bully their way through our habitat

 

My dearest, it simply makes me drool
When I see you working with a tool
Thumbs opposable, and shoulders free
I’m awed when you throw stones at me
Just imagine how I shed a tear
When I see you chuck a pointy spear

 

And that prefrontal cortex, oh my lord
You could plan the move of a nomadic horde
One day you’ll be able to add, and subtract
You’ll think–and paint–in the abstract
You just need vocal cords of greater dexterity
To express yourself with heightened clarity
[not in grunts and stone throwing]

 

True, you’re not the strongest of the apes
And while tigers race you barely traipse
Monkeys climb, swinging tree to tree
You lack arm strength and dexterity
Still, there’s something about you that I just can’t deny
Though you share sixty percent DNA with a fruit fly
You’re so evolved

DAILY PHOTO: Signage Win in Lusaka

Taken in Lusaka, Zambia in May of 2016

Taken in Lusaka, Zambia in May of 2016

 

Yes, it’s a sign for “Bump, Birth, & Beyond” (a maternity and baby related center from which Bed, Bath, & Beyond clearly stole inspiration) that–interestingly enough–is located adjacent to the Planned Parenthood office.

BOOK REVIEW: Good Omens by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, WitchGood Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Amazon page

Nature or nurture? That’s the question at the core of this funny take on the coming of the apocalypse, written by two masters of humorous speculative fiction—the late Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. The end of days is coming. What if the Antichrist responsible for seeing it through had been switched at the hospital and was raised as a normal kid? Would he be evil enough? If not, how would the apocalypse play out? After a chapter that shows the reader the mix up at the hospital, the bulk of the book takes place over a few days that are supposed to be the last few days of humanity.

There’s an extensive cast of characters including the “gang” of Adam the anti-Christ, the four horse-persons of the apocalypse, angels and demons, witches and witch-hunters, and other sundry characters. However, the characters that most carry the tone and message of the book are Crowley (a demon) and Aziraphale (an angel.) With these two, the authors inject some Taoism into an otherwise Biblical world. That is to say, pure evil and pure good are rarities; there’s always a bit of good amid the bad, and vice versa. Aziraphale can be grumpy, and Crowley’s proclivity to be mischievous has its limits. Being in similar positions, the two bond as low-level managers working for Coke and Pepsi might get on because they face similar demands and have similar complaints about management.

Running through the book are mentions of a book called, “The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch.” This witch’s prophecies are quite unusual in that they are invariably correct, and yet are specific. That is, the prophecies aren’t “right” in the sense that astrologers are often “right” by making vague statements that offer no disprovable propositions. This might lead one to believe that the book would be a marvelous guide for making predictions. However, there is still the issue of having been written centuries ago. Items like automobiles and cellphones, that play a major role in life today, were unfathomable. Furthermore, it’s usually not clear who, exactly, a given prophecy applies to. In short, the medieval writing style results in the fact that the prophecies usually only make sense after the fact.

I’d recommend this book for readers of humorous speculative fiction.

View all my reviews

POEM: Conceit of Man

An elephant will never forget.
No car keys to misplace, I’ll bet.
A tiger is fearless, I will confess,
but it’ll never be audited by the IRS.

An owl may be wise; you can tell by the eyes.
But it’s never asked to comment on the size of a girl’s thighs.
Dolphins are smart ones, that much is true.
But, pray tell, who is in whom’s zoo?

In all domains humans think themselves the greatest.
And we are the very best of sadists.
You’ll never see a bonobo bureaucrat,
nor get tech support from a vampire bat.

At masochism, too, we’re none too shabby.
At the karaoke bar, ever see a tabby?
Ever seen a chimp with a nipple ring?
I’ll tell you now, that’s not a thing.

Our narcissism has grown beyond the pale.
One lifetime to the rocket from the sail
will give any species some cerebral swelling.
I’m not saying our’s isn’t a tale worth telling.
Let’s just make sure it doesn’t turn cautionary.
Basking in awesomeness, one forgets to be wary.
Next thing you know, super-smart apes are getting the itch,
or the Alpha Centaurians have made Earth their bitch.

POEM: A Dark Note to Jello

jello

Hello, Jello, my wiggly friend

It’s time you meet your fateful end

Perhaps, someday you will come back

But, having been through my digestive tract,

No one will ever love you like I did

[At least, let’s hope–heaven forbid]

POEM: Size of the Future

Microbots may one day kill
From nano-pills you’ll get your fill
One day everything will be small
Except rayguns and the mall

 

Those two will be colossally large
Like a present-day garbage barge
Heaped into a humongous hill
Headed to a continental landfill

 

 

POEM: 3 Haiku Day

circling hawk glides
I’m glad it’s not a vulture
I must be alive



still lake reflecting
a mountainous lay of land
hiding fish below



hissing wind gusting
through narrow leaves of bamboo
calling to no one

DAILY PHOTO: Give Me A Sign, Oh Lord–Not That Kind

Taken in December of 2015 in Saigon

Taken in December of 2015 in Saigon

IMG_0617

We saw this little chapel flanked by huge billboards for a vocational college and a beer. If anyone else was out on the river-walk that night, looking steepleward for answers, he must have concluded that he should settle for a career in HVAC repair and get wasted at his earliest convenience.

DAILY PHOTO: Top 3 Things Hue Bike Rickshaws Carry

#3 Care packages; Taken December 24, 2015 in Hue

#3 Party Supplies; Taken December 24, 2015 in Hue

 

#2 Filing Cabinets; Taken December 25, 2015 in Hue

#2 Filing Cabinets; Taken December 25, 2015 in Hue

 

#1 Other Bicycles: Taken December 25, 2015

#1 Lesser Bicycles: Taken December 25, 2015

DAILY PHOTO: Toy Store Cocktail

Taken on October 11, 2015 in Bangalore

Taken on October 11, 2015 in Bangalore

This is the “impulse buy” shelf next to the line for the register at a popular toy store. Thus confirming my belief that taking kids to a toy store might lead parents to get serious about their drinking.