Category Archives: humor

PROMPT: Favorite People

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Daily writing prompt
Who are your favorite people to be around?
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People who take nothing seriously. A distant second goes to those who take everything seriously. And dead last, being people I avoid at all costs, are those who have a sizable set of ideas that they believe should be treated deadly seriously by everyone, while finding others’ serious stuff to be mockable.

Einstein said there are two ways of viewing the world, as if everything is a miracle or nothing is. I’m sure Einstein recognized that there were many people who, in fact, believed their own sect to have “legitimate miracles,” while believing the miracles of other sects were mere superstition. And what he was really getting at was that the latter stance is presumptuous, indefensible, and – quite frankly – ridiculous. Anyhow, my own spin is that there are two legitimate ways to view the world: to take nothing serious and to take everything seriously. All others are shades of petty narcissism.

[As I think of it, I guess I could have answered more simply with the single word: “Travelers.”]

PROMPT: Pet Tricks

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If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

Partial differential equations. First of all, then it could explain them to me. Secondly, I could completely demoralize all the Westminster types who think they have “smart dogs.”

Chimpanzee [Lyric Poem]

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Our closest relative, the Chimpanzee
   Lacks our affinity to be fancy.
 To them we are but pant-wearing buffoons
   Who've lost all freedom to shoot the moon.

Cheetah [Lyric Poem]

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A Cheetah can beat a Porsche to a hundred.
 (Imagine the tumble if a clumsy one blundered.)
 In fact, Cheetah's are so very, very fast
   that your future is way, way back in its past.

Donkey [Lyric Poem]

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The Donkey 's known to be a stubborn beast,
 But when one won't move - maybe wheels weren't greased.
 I've seen angry humans push, pull, and tug,
 But never give a peptalk or a hug.

Pelican [Lyric Poem]

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The Pelican, when it has formed a group,
 Is said to be a squadron, pouch, or scoop.
 I find that naming scheme quite puzzling;
 Isn't its "pouch" where it keeps soup for guzzling?

Snake [Lyric Poem]

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I saw a snake had made a gnarly bed --
 On logs and stones, its length did curl and thread.
 Ah, to be comfy on bark's ragged bumps...
 I wake up when PJ's wad to a lump.

“The Bumblebee” by James Whitcomb Riley [w/ Audio]

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You better not fool with a Bumblebee!--
 Ef you don't think they can sting -- you'll see!
 They're lazy to look at, an' kind o' go
 Buzzin' an' bummin' aroun' so slow,
 An' ac' so slouchy an' all fagged out,
 Danglin' their legs as they drone about
 The hollyhawks 'at they can't climb in
 'Ithout ist a-tumble-un out ag'in!
 Wunst I watched one climb clean 'way
 In a jimson-blossom, I did, one day,--
 An' I ist grabbed it -- an' nen let go--
 An' "Ooh-ooh! Honey! I told ye so!"
 Says The Raggedy Man; an' he ist run
 An' pullt out the stinger, an' don't laugh none,
 An' says: "They has be'n folks, I guess,
 'At thought I wuz prejudust, more or less, --
 Yit I still muntain 'at a Bumblebee
 Wears out his welcome too quick fer me!"

Lion-tailed Macaque [Lyric Poem]

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I came upon a Lion-tailed Macaque,
  And was instantly taken aback.
 Sure, its tail was lion-like, but what's weird
  Is that namers didn't call upon that beard!

Orangutan [Lyric Poem]

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Orangutans live their lives in the trees.
 The jungle has as many as they please --
 But - with trees - the Zoo is quite sparing,
 Leaving just one twig: non-loadbearing.