The Yetis’ Reply [Limerick]

A grouchy nitwit wrote a polemic
about how Yetis had caused the Pandemic.
The Yetis protested,
and kindly requested
the man ponder head-in-ass hygienics.

The Ottoman [Limerick]

There once was an indolent Turk
who was never around to do work.
With his makeshift footstool,
he'd snore & he'd drool.
They called his stool "the Ottoman" and smirk. 

Monogamous Geometer [Limerick]

There once was a monogamous Geometer
who could angle in inches or kilometers.
"I do love triangles,
except love triangles,"
At orgies he was a nervous vomiter. 

Bear Bouffant [Limerick]

There once was a quite sizable bear --
yet more imposing for its shaggy hair.
"If I took a shave,
I'd better fit my cave, 
but hunters would laugh, not beware."

Psychedelic Parade [Limerick]

An old man got caught up by a parade.
Street after street, he was barred by blockade.
But he didn't lose poise
'til walking plush toys
convinced him LSD was being covertly sprayed.

Gaucho Limerick

There once was an Argentine gaucho
who loved to lie around on the couch. Oh!
When his wife would protest
it would disturb his rest.
"I'm goin'! Jeez, stop bein' such a grouch - Ho!"

Marquis de Sade Limerick

There once was a Marquis named de Sade
whose philosophy many found odd:
The pursuit of pleasure,
by any measure,
is to spoil by not sparing the rod!

Panglossian Limerick

From an 1803 edition of Candide
There was a philosopher named Pangloss
whose sole objective was to get across:
Ours is the best of worlds!
And yet, the crapper swirled
and nothing escaped but dregs and dross.

Patience: Casualty of Modernity [Limerick]

There was an old man, some called "ancient,"
who got riled everyone was so impatient.
"The world was much better
when we talked by letter,
and you only got instant replies if adjacent."

Macbeth Limerick

Macbeth and Banquo Meeting the Witches;
Théodore Chasséria (1855)
There was a great General named Macbeth.
All that kept him from kingship was a death,
but - as with a Pringle -
he couldn't do a single.
So, he showed seven more their last breaths.