Taken along the road to Pangong Tso in August of 2016
The one on the bottom was rocking out, singing “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey into an air mic. Not really, but you can imagine it, can’t you? In fact, I bet you now have that tune stuck in your head. You’re welcome.
“What do you want to BE when you grow up?”
They ask you when you’re just a little pup.
So, what part of what I must BE,
is different from the me you see?
Dad thought, “the part that they’ll pay you for.”
Like an allowance for finishing a chore?
“Yes, young man, but you can safely assume,
no one else will pay you to clean your room.”
Kids don’t think of being gainfully employed.
Which seems to make grownups quite annoyed.
At five, I wanted to be a cowboy.
“Son, there’s no jobs in that line of employ.”
That’s OK, then I’ll be an Indian.
“You’d have to be born that way, my friend.”
I wasn’t born a doctor, but you said that’s OK.
“That’s not the same, son, what can I say?”
I know what then, Dad, I’ll be the Batman!
“Come on, son, that’s not a feasible plan.”
You’re thinking Superman, Batman has no powers.
“Bruce Wayne by day, Batman at night, where’s the sleeping hours.”
You have a point there, you’ve got me stumped.
Thinking myself prematurely defunct.
Taken on July 3, 2016 in Kolkata
Above: Is This Racist?
Below: Orgasmic Dolphin
Source: cliparts.co
I have a particular set of skills.
No, not ones that pay the bills.
While Liam Neeson may kick some ass,
my skills are more in the realm of sass.
My course won’t teach you a spinning kick,
or how to head-butt to a brick.
No, nothing so stoic or taciturn,
for mine is the art of the kung fu burn.
If you wish to unleash the power of derision,
tell them their kung fu lacks vigor and precision.
If that has not the effect desired,
tell them their kung fu is sloppy and uninspired.
If you haven’t yet gotten their goat,
tell them their moves makes vomit rise to your throat.
That’s just a sampler; wisdom ain’t free.
But you can learn more for a nominal fee.
[Disclosure]
Just one thing, whatever you do.
Don’t use against anyone who knows kung fu.
(Even the old ladies who do Tai Chi in the park,
may rip you apart like a school of bull sharks.)
memory, she’s a fickle cow
you can never have one in the now
and why are the memories best of those who need them least
should not as your age grows great your memory too increase
an eight year old has no need of keys but he can tell you where they are
for me the point is quite moot cause I’ve forgotten where’s the car
more and more I’m less and less certain of what memories were dreams
I clearly remember posting that bill cause I passed a yeti eating ice-cream
a woman watching 60 Minutes was robbed, but cops called her a loony
you see the old girl was quite sure she’d been burgled by Andy Rooney
now it’s time for me to bring this poem to a close
I had a much better bit but have forgotten how it goes
Baby, I dig your bipedal ways
You could chase down wounded game for days
And walking around on just two feet
You can forage in the mid-day heat
When it’s too hot for those big ole cats
Who bully their way through our habitat
My dearest, it simply makes me drool
When I see you working with a tool
Thumbs opposable, and shoulders free
I’m awed when you throw stones at me
Just imagine how I shed a tear
When I see you chuck a pointy spear
And that prefrontal cortex, oh my lord
You could plan the move of a nomadic horde
One day you’ll be able to add, and subtract
You’ll think–and paint–in the abstract
You just need vocal cords of greater dexterity
To express yourself with heightened clarity
[not in grunts and stone throwing]
True, you’re not the strongest of the apes
And while tigers race you barely traipse
Monkeys climb, swinging tree to tree
You lack arm strength and dexterity
Still, there’s something about you that I just can’t deny
Though you share sixty percent DNA with a fruit fly
You’re so evolved
Taken in Lusaka, Zambia in May of 2016
Yes, it’s a sign for “Bump, Birth, & Beyond” (a maternity and baby related center from which Bed, Bath, & Beyond clearly stole inspiration) that–interestingly enough–is located adjacent to the Planned Parenthood office.
An elephant will never forget.
No car keys to misplace, I’ll bet.
A tiger is fearless, I will confess,
but it’ll never be audited by the IRS.
An owl may be wise; you can tell by the eyes.
But it’s never asked to comment on the size of a girl’s thighs.
Dolphins are smart ones, that much is true.
But, pray tell, who is in whom’s zoo?
In all domains humans think themselves the greatest.
And we are the very best of sadists.
You’ll never see a bonobo bureaucrat,
nor get tech support from a vampire bat.
At masochism, too, we’re none too shabby.
At the karaoke bar, ever see a tabby?
Ever seen a chimp with a nipple ring?
I’ll tell you now, that’s not a thing.
Our narcissism has grown beyond the pale.
One lifetime to the rocket from the sail
will give any species some cerebral swelling.
I’m not saying our’s isn’t a tale worth telling.
Let’s just make sure it doesn’t turn cautionary.
Basking in awesomeness, one forgets to be wary.
Next thing you know, super-smart apes are getting the itch,
or the Alpha Centaurians have made Earth their bitch.
Hello, Jello, my wiggly friend
It’s time you meet your fateful end
Perhaps, someday you will come back
But, having been through my digestive tract,
No one will ever love you like I did
[At least, let’s hope–heaven forbid]
Microbots may one day kill
From nano-pills you’ll get your fill
One day everything will be small
Except rayguns and the mall
Those two will be colossally large
Like a present-day garbage barge
Heaped into a humongous hill
Headed to a continental landfill
Tiger Riding for Beginners 