Thirty-year-old man buys same-aged tortoise;
Middle-aged tortoise: owner has rigor mortis.
In retrospect, it was a stupid plan;
Clearly, the tortoise should have bought the man.
Tortoise [Lyric Poem]
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Category Archives: humor
Sleeping Bear [Kyōka]
the sleeping bear
seems at peace, and still does
when its eyes open,
but my mental state - and
my drawers - are quite changed.
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“The Mad Gardener’s Song” by Lewis Carroll [w/ Audio]
He thought he saw an Elephant,
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
"At length I realize," he said,
"The bitterness of Life!"
He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister's Husband's Niece,
"Unless you leave this house," he said,
"I'll send for the Police!"
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of Next Week.
"The one thing I regret," he said,
"Is that it cannot speak!"
He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
Descending from the 'bus:
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
"If this should stay to dine," he said,
"There won't be much for us!"
He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was
A Vegetable-Pill.
"Were I to swallow this," he said,
"I should be very ill!"
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four
That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a Head.
"Poor thing," he said, "poor silly thing!
It's waiting to be fed!"
He thought he saw an Albatross
That fluttered round the lamp:
He looked again, and found it was
A Penny-Postage-Stamp.
"You'd best be getting home," he said,
"The nights are very damp!"
He thought he saw a Garden-Door
That opened with a key:
He looked again, and found it was
A Double Rule of Three:
"And all its mystery," he said,
"Is clear as day to me!"
He thought he saw an Argument
That proved he was the Pope:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bar of Mottled Soap.
"A fact so dread," he faintly said,
"Extinguishes all hope!"
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Gaur [Lyric Poem]
A gaur looks like a -roided up cow.
You could try hooking to it a cart or plow,
But I suspect it would turn the tables,
And you'd end up living in its stables.
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Meerkat [Lyric Poem]
The Meerkat stands, right and proper,
Like a skeptical eavesdropper.
Its spine aligned and eyes all wide
As if to say, "I know you lied!"
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Snail [Lyric Poem]
Oh my! I am so very awed
by this mighty l’il gastropod.
Its moves make taiji masters seem rushed,
but it lugs a house without being crushed.
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Squirrel [Lyric Poem]
The squirrel freezes -- unblinking --
But I cannot help but thinking:
How come its tail is misbehaving?
A betrayal by spastic waving!
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Impala [Common Meter]
I'd never seen an Impala,
until one day I did.
Except an eighty-five Chevy,
back when I was a kid.
The Chevy was not lean, nor quick,
as real Impalas are.
Had this bovid ever been seen
by the namer of cars?
I tried to see commonality:
one was made and one born,
One was clunky and unagile,
but both came standard with horn.
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“The Yak” by Hilaire Belloc [w/ Audio]
As a friend to the children commend me the Yak.
You will find it exactly the thing:
It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back,
Or lead it about with a string.
The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Thibet
(A desolate region of snow)
Has for centuries made it a nursery pet,
And surely the Tartar should know!
Then tell your papa where the Yak can be got,
And if he is awfully rich
He will buy you the creature -- or else he will not.
(I cannot be positive which.)
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Pigeons [Lyric Poem]
There’s a writhing pile of pigeons —
Not two or a few or a smidgen —
You can raise their clout, and call them doves,
But I’m glad they're not on the wires above.
Tiger Riding for Beginners 