Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant
like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

I don’t believe there’s any problem in this country,
no matter how tough it is,
that Americans,
when they roll up their sleeves,
can’t completely ignore.

Here’s all you have to know about men and women;
women are crazy,
men are stupid.
And the main reason that women are crazy
is that men are stupid.

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete.
It’s so fuckin’ heroic.