FORCED MARCH by Miklós Radnóti [w/ Audio]

Crazy. He stumbles, flops, gets up,     and trudges on again.
 He moves his ankles and his knees     like one wandering pain,
 then sallies forth, as if a wing     lifted him where he went,
 and when the ditch invites him in,     he dare not give consent,
 and if you were to ask why not?     perhaps his answer is
 a woman waits, a death more wise,      more beautiful than this.
Poor fool, the true believer:     for weeks, above the rooves,
 but for the scorching whirlwind,     nothing lives or moves:
 the housewall's lying on its back,      the prunetree's smashed and bare;
 even at home, when darkness comes on,     the night is furred with fear. 
Ah, if I could believe it!     that not only do I bear
 what's worth the keeping in my heart,     but home is really there;
 if it might be! -- as once it was,      on a veranda old and cool,
 where the sweet bee of peace would buzz,     prune marmalade would chill,
 late summer's stillness sunbathe     in gardens half-asleep,
 fruit sway among the branches,     stark naked in the deep,
 Fanni waiting at the fence     blonde by its rusty red,
 and shadows would write slowly out     all the slow morning said --
 but still it might yet happen!     The moon's so round today!
Friend, don't walk on. Give me a shout     and I'll be on my way.
Bolond, ki földre rogyván     fölkél és ujra lépked,
s vándorló fájdalomként     mozdít bokát és térdet,
de mégis útnak indul,     mint akit szárny emel,
s hiába hívja árok,     maradni úgyse mer,
s ha kérdezed, miért nem?     még visszaszól talán,
hogy várja őt az asszony     s egy bölcsebb, szép halál.
Pedig bolond a jámbor,     mert ott az otthonok
fölött régóta már csak     a perzselt szél forog,
hanyattfeküdt a házfal,    eltört a szilvafa,
és félelemtől bolyhos     a honni éjszaka.
Ó, hogyha hinni tudnám:     nemcsak szivemben hordom
mindazt, mit érdemes még,     s van visszatérni otthon,
ha volna még! s mint egykor     a régi hűs verandán
a béke méhe zöngne,     míg hűl a szilvalekvár,
s nyárvégi csönd napozna     az álmos kerteken,
a lomb között gyümölcsök     ringnának meztelen,
és Fanni várna szőkén      a rőt sövény előtt,
s árnyékot írna lassan     a lassu délelőtt, --
de hisz lehet talán még!     a hold ma oly kerek!
Ne menj tovább, barátom,     kiálts rám! s fölkelek!

NOTE: Originally titled, ERŐLTETETT MENET, and dated September 15, 1944 (in Bor, Serbia,) this poem was found on Radnóti’s person after his execution by fascists in 1944. The translation used is that of Zsuzsanna Ozsváth and Frederick Turner: i.e. Radnóti, Miklós. 2014. Foamy Sky: The Major Poems of Miklós Radnóti. ed. & trans. Zsuzsanna Ozsváth and Frederick Turner. Budapest: Corvina Books, pp. 228-229.

The Bullets that Bore no Name: or, the Burden we all Bear

Attribution: Bundesarchiv, Bild 192-334 / CC-BY-SA

Mauthausen                     Attribution: Bundesarchiv, Bild 192-334 / CC-BY-SA

Thanks for joining me on the veranda. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, this post flows from a book review I did on Elie Wiesel’s Night, which can be seen here. But don’t wander off just yet.

I married into a family of holocaust survivors.

Being sufficiently narcissistic, I haven’t been able to avoid thinking of the profound impact this had on my life.  I am married to the most extraordinary woman in the universe [my apologies to all other women, I’m sure you’re someone else’s most extraordinary woman] by virtue of the strength of a man who wrestled his way to the top of a pile of corpses, bleeding profusely from multiple shrapnel wounds, clawing his way out of a pit, and cleaning the gashes with his urine. That man was married to a woman, tiny of body but colossal of mind, who was in the group force marched from Budapest to Mauthausen. After the war, they had a child–my mother-in-law. Yada-yada-yada. I have marital bliss.

Not being completely narcissistic, I’m reminded that every one of our lives have been shaped by strong people who lived through close calls. Each of us comes hither as a gift from men and women who passed through a hail of bullets that bore no name. Some, like my wife’s grandfather, were riddled by bullets bearing their name, and still refused to heed their deadly whisper.  Every holocaust survivor survived by a thin margin. Every battlefield veteran’s life is an execution order rescinded. Every prisoner of war was one germ away from an unmarked grave.

No pressure or anything, but that sounds like a heavy debt we  all bear.

Telling this story in greater detail is one of my bucket list tasks. It’s a project I’ve had on the back burner for far too long. There are several reasons for this. The most feeble of which is a hope to find the right timing. Sadly, there are so many such stories that I fear it will be lost amid a sea of sorrow.  Then there is my need to develop grace with language sufficient to do the story justice. In a way the two novels I have drafted, and whose mess I am now painstakingly trying to dance into shape, are practice exercises.  Wish me luck.

On the plus side, my wife’s uncle had the foresight to have her grandfather speak his story onto about 20 tapes before he died. With today’s technology, there’s no excuse for anyone’s life-altering story to go untold.  So I guess if there is a moral to my rambling post it’s this: don’t let anyone in your life with a spectacular story pass from this world without it being heard.