TODAY’S RANDOM THOUGHT: Hitler’s Final Victory

Source: German Federal Archives

Source: German Federal Archives

Hitler killed the short-stache (a.k.a. the “toothbrush mustache.”) Imagine that, almost 70 years after his death, he still holds power over people’s decisions about facial hair.

This is a misplaced take-away lesson. It’s the unbridled narcissism, the icy hatred, and the irrational exuberance in the power of evil of Hitler that should be abandoned (yet, somehow, those intangibles still quietly exist.) It’s not the superficial aspects of Hitler that should be shunned, but the ones at the bastard’s core.

I’m not saying the toothbrush-stache was a good look. On the contrary–as one who has had a mustache his entire adult life and has worn a beard now for several years–I’m a little offended by the lack of commitment to one’s choice of facial hair that the toothbrush-stache represents. (Incidentally, I feel the same about the sole patch and mutton chops.) In my mind, one should go full-stache or go home to shave.

Still, there being no accounting for taste, I think those individuals who would otherwise find the short-stache appealing (i.e. you know, indecisive types who wear culottes and eat with sporks) should revive the toothbrush mustache as a big fuck-you to Hitler–don’t let tyrants boss you around from the grave.

Toothbrush mustache admirers of world, unite!  (No, I won’t be joining you.)

DAILY PHOTO: Mustache Machismo

Taken September 5, 2013

Taken September 5, 2013

India is the last bastion of the luxuriant mustache as a font of machismo. While the thick, droopy stache may have fallen out of favor with male porn stars and deep South State Troopers, it remains emblematic in Bollywood.

One day, when the Freddie Mercury mustache returns to its former glory, Indian men will be able to hold their heads high, certain in the knowledge that they never abandoned the stache.

It should be noted that the power of the stache goes way back here. On the elaborately towering Hindu temples, one will see such figures. I have yet to learn which deity sports the stache (often along with a pot belly,) but it’s not Ron Jeremy–that much I know for certain.